Ever since I went to Ecuador these two questions have bothered me: First of all, why is it that people who have less, love more? Also, why is the person who has more (or different) experiences more accepting of the differences in others? These questions bothered me in Ecuador because, compared to the people there, I felt embittered and hard, impersonal and cold. The Ecuadorians accepted me with open arms and I still walked through the door with a lock on my heart, unwilling to let people in. In fact, it took probably until the third out of the four months there for me to finally open up to my roommate. These questions bother me now that I’ve returned to the United States because I can see people acting exactly as I did before. Cold, impersonal, un-accepting. I just want to ask…where’s the love?
In case you didn’t know, Ecuador is a Third World country. So…they’re not doing so great. And Presidente Correa? I don’t care for him so much. However, even in the poorest neighborhood we were in, we were warmly welcomed and accepted. I would also like to point out that everywhere we went we attended a Nazarene church, and even in a congregation of 50 I saw more passion and fire there than I have ever seen in a church in the United States. What excuse do we have for that?
I know people have been asking this question for ages, but I just can’t figure out why the people there who have so much less, love so much more. What is it about our “stuff” that makes us love less? Do we really care more about things than people? We would choose the convenience and impersonality of talking on the phone over the closeness and intimacy of a face-to-face conversation. Yes, no wonder we’re so cold. As a person who prides herself on promptness I can say that the tendency of the Hispanic culture to arrive late is not my favorite part of the culture. But I think we have something to learn about their carefree attitude about time. When people come, you start, and you stay until you are done. In church, you start when you have a good crowd and you don’t leave until the Lord is done talking. And then you still stay around to fellowship with those around you. I so badly want to see a church like that in the U.S. I want to see a church that calls on the Lord, no, a church that cries out to the Lord for His presence and His Word. I want to see a church that disregards the boundaries that time creates, boundaries that tell the Lord that if He wants to speak He better do it in an hour. I want to see a church that does not create boundaries for the Lord, and I want to see a church that opens its arms to the community and welcomes everyone (no matter how they are dressed or what their background may be) and says, “We, the church, are so happy you’re here and we love you just the way you are.”
This brings me to my next question. Why is a person with more experience more accepting of differences? I was thinking about this because I’ve wanted to help create the change our church needs. However, if you grew up in a church like mine, you know that change is not easy. In fact, depending on who you’re dealing with, change can be downright impossible. In my mind I keep thinking, ‘If they only knew what it could be like! If they had only seen what I saw!’ But they didn’t see what I saw, and sometimes I cry knowing that they will never have an experience like what I had. It amazes me to see people fighting to hold on to the unimportant things that may turn someone away from the church, with an attitude that will definitely turn people away from the church.
The reason for this question goes further than wanting to see the fire kindled in the church. I’ve also been bothered lately by the fact that Christians here in the United States can be so intolerant and closed-minded. I know that there are things to be intolerant on for sure, but when it comes to humans and human rights again I ask, where’s the love? It is because of my experiences in a foreign country, being a Spanish major, working with Hispanic ministries, and dating an immigrant that my heart has been opened to the fact that - even though they may make bad choices and break the law - illegal Hispanics (and anyone of different race and culture) are people and as such deserve to be treated humanely and with decency. There are consequences for breaking the law, yes. But is one of those consequences making them fear for their life? Is one of those consequences stripping them of dignity, respect, and the most basic rights? I sure hope not.
Jesus said to love your enemies, and what does love require? Patience, kindness, humility, honesty. Paul said it in 1 Corinthians 13, you should know it by now! Unfortunately most people only find 1 Corinthians 13 important at weddings and when talking about romantic love. I’m sorry but…where did Paul specify that he was talking about only romantic love when he wrote that? Unless you have a different translation, he doesn’t say that. He is talking about all love. How should our love be for our neighbor? Patient, kind, humble, honest. How should our love be for a stranger? Patient, kind, humble, honest. How should our love be for our enemy? Patient, kind, humble, honest. How should our love be for even the illegal who breaks the law? Patient, kind, humble, honest. I mean, I’m going off what the Bible says here but hey, I could be wrong.
My experiences have helped me to see differences, accept them, and to open my heart to loving with the love that Christ demands of us. I think we in the United States have a lot to learn about having an open heart. We have a lot to learn about loving despite differences, despite history, despite the fact that we may not even know the person. We have a lot to learn about love, period.
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have no love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have no love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love never fails.”
-1 Corinthians 13:1-8.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
-Matthew 5:43-44
“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?“ “The most important one,“ answered Jesus, “is this: ‘. . . Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
-Mark 12:28-31
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Protecting Your Heart
Every time I log onto Facebook, I see someone’s status declaring their newest state of depression over some heartbreak or lost love. Some people, I have noticed, go through relationships like I go through rolls of toilet paper. What has happened to our culture that we would find it acceptable to have such flings? More importantly, I suppose, what has happened to our culture that we could be so transparent in our relationships? Not that we should not value honesty in our relationships, of course it is an essential building block for a solid relationship; but should we be so transparent that we can be cut so deeply after a week long “relationship?” How can we be protecting our hearts if we behave in this way?
The fact is that we live in a world of one night stands, meaningless flings, shallow relationships, and pointless hook ups. In our fast-paced society, we do not have time to put in the effort for relationships. They are simply too much work. What’s happening now is that we are trying to speed up the dating process. Whatever it is we want, we want it now. The world today runs on frozen dinners, speed dating, the fast lane, high speed internet . . . basically anything that goes fast. Now we are trying to force that into our relationships. We bear our hearts and souls within the first week before any solid commitment or connection is made, which leaves us entirely volatile. It used to be years and years before a wedding would take place. An engagement used to mean that you had found a person acceptable to marry, not that you were setting a date and time. Nowadays we have drive-thru wedding chapels for anyone who might decide to get married on a whim. How romantic.
The downside, we are seeing, is that the divorce rate is increasing (and quickly, ironically enough). Now a husband or wife can divorce their spouse without rhyme or reason, even the day after the wedding. The deserted spouse is left in the dust, their head spinning, not even knowing what hit them. It’s obvious that we no longer have reverence or respect for our relationships. We are making a mockery of love, trampling all over it as we rush off to our newest flame, pretending the next one will not be short-lived, even though we know deep down it’s as shallow as the one before and the one after if we don’t change our ways.
So, the big question, the question we would rather not think about is . . . What does God think about our flame-of-the-week? What do you think God would have to say to you about your constant trivialization of love? To be honest, I never want to have to talk to God face-to-face about my love life, and how much I have messed it up. I may not have had a boyfriend-of-the-week, but I certainly had boyfriends-of-the-year, which was plenty bad enough. What is truly disappointing (and embarrassing!) is that the divorce rate for Christian marriages is at over 50%. And the divorce rate in Kankakee, where Olivet is located? Oh, only 75%. I am sure our lack of respect for marriage (and a lack of patience to wait for the one He has set aside for us) cuts God deep with sorrow.
So really, what does God say about marriage? “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.” Hebrews 13:4. “A wife is married to her husband as long as he lives.” 1 Corinthians 7:39. While there is still justifiable cause for divorce, most of the time these days that's just not the case. Marriage is a big deal. And the relationships you begin (and end) before marriage are a big deal, too. Relationships are great to test the waters before marriage, but don't rush into a relationship and don't make yourself too vulnerable too soon. God mends a broken heart, but we must be careful to guard our hearts and not give away too much too soon, because that is one sure fire way to end up hurt. And if we treat our marriage like any old relationship, we'll end up in a never-ending cycle of broken-heartedness.
"You cry out, "Why has the LORD abandoned us?" I'll tell you why! Because the LORD witnessed the vows you and your wife made to each other on your wedding day when you were young. But you have been disloyal to her, though she remained your faithful companion, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn't the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his."
-Malachi 2:14-15
The fact is that we live in a world of one night stands, meaningless flings, shallow relationships, and pointless hook ups. In our fast-paced society, we do not have time to put in the effort for relationships. They are simply too much work. What’s happening now is that we are trying to speed up the dating process. Whatever it is we want, we want it now. The world today runs on frozen dinners, speed dating, the fast lane, high speed internet . . . basically anything that goes fast. Now we are trying to force that into our relationships. We bear our hearts and souls within the first week before any solid commitment or connection is made, which leaves us entirely volatile. It used to be years and years before a wedding would take place. An engagement used to mean that you had found a person acceptable to marry, not that you were setting a date and time. Nowadays we have drive-thru wedding chapels for anyone who might decide to get married on a whim. How romantic.
The downside, we are seeing, is that the divorce rate is increasing (and quickly, ironically enough). Now a husband or wife can divorce their spouse without rhyme or reason, even the day after the wedding. The deserted spouse is left in the dust, their head spinning, not even knowing what hit them. It’s obvious that we no longer have reverence or respect for our relationships. We are making a mockery of love, trampling all over it as we rush off to our newest flame, pretending the next one will not be short-lived, even though we know deep down it’s as shallow as the one before and the one after if we don’t change our ways.
So, the big question, the question we would rather not think about is . . . What does God think about our flame-of-the-week? What do you think God would have to say to you about your constant trivialization of love? To be honest, I never want to have to talk to God face-to-face about my love life, and how much I have messed it up. I may not have had a boyfriend-of-the-week, but I certainly had boyfriends-of-the-year, which was plenty bad enough. What is truly disappointing (and embarrassing!) is that the divorce rate for Christian marriages is at over 50%. And the divorce rate in Kankakee, where Olivet is located? Oh, only 75%. I am sure our lack of respect for marriage (and a lack of patience to wait for the one He has set aside for us) cuts God deep with sorrow.
So really, what does God say about marriage? “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.” Hebrews 13:4. “A wife is married to her husband as long as he lives.” 1 Corinthians 7:39. While there is still justifiable cause for divorce, most of the time these days that's just not the case. Marriage is a big deal. And the relationships you begin (and end) before marriage are a big deal, too. Relationships are great to test the waters before marriage, but don't rush into a relationship and don't make yourself too vulnerable too soon. God mends a broken heart, but we must be careful to guard our hearts and not give away too much too soon, because that is one sure fire way to end up hurt. And if we treat our marriage like any old relationship, we'll end up in a never-ending cycle of broken-heartedness.
"You cry out, "Why has the LORD abandoned us?" I'll tell you why! Because the LORD witnessed the vows you and your wife made to each other on your wedding day when you were young. But you have been disloyal to her, though she remained your faithful companion, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn't the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his."
-Malachi 2:14-15
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