The Ties That Bind

Recently I have been thinking a lot about family. I am soon to be an aunt for the first time. I have also been thinking a lot about family because in just a few short months, I will be leaving for Ecuador . . . a 15 week study abroad experience in South America. Yes, this means I will miss seeing my newborn niece or nephew...I won't be able to see them until they're about a month old. I also will not be able to see my family (or friends) for four months. Now, it's not that difficult to stay at Olivet for a month and not see my family. It may be because I know they are just a few hours away or because I am so busy here at Olivet. Who knows? But FOUR months in a whole different continent just seems unbearable. I definitely have plans to buy a web cam and looking at international cell phone plans.

Tonight while I was looking through my box of photos, I found a picture from a long time ago that I printed off of my computer. I was probably about a year old, and Tina (my sister) would have been 7 or 8. I saw it and wanted to hang it on my desk, so I set it aside. When I was moving it I noticed there was writing on the back of it, and I had no idea what it was about. As it turns out, it was a letter I had written for my sister, 2 days after we had moved her and Bryan (my brother-in-law) into their new apartment in Kansas. I read through the letter, not even remembering what I had written. It brought tears to my eyes to remember how it felt that first time I realized how far away my only sister was.

Sometimes it takes being separated from family to realize how important they are in your life. When I first came to Olivet, I was excited to be here. After a week or so, the thrilling feeling of being at camp subsided and I slowly began to realize that I was at Olivet for real, and this was my life now. I was not afraid of independence; I have always been an independent person. But I missed having my family around, as much as they may have annoyed me at home. I made so many phone calls home that first semester, at least once or twice a week, if not more. I tried to make frequent visits home, and every time I left to return to Olivet, I would cry. I was so ready for the true independence of Olivet, but when I finally had it and was away from my family, it was not at all what I wanted. In fact, I wanted desperately to be near some family member, someone who actually cared about me. Not that there is no one at ONU who cares about me, many people at Olivet care, but not like a sister, or a parent, or a grandparent. I felt separated and cut off from my source of life and security, and it made me feel lonelier than I have ever felt in my entire life.

Some people can cope with being very far away from family for long periods of time; it doesn't seem to faze them. It just makes me wonder if they are taking their family for granted. What is your family to you? Are they only there to give you things or tell you what to do? Have you bothered to establish a real relationship with members of your family? Seriously though, have you bothered to invest much at all into your family? Now I'm not condemning you of not caring . . . but these are serious questions. Family is one of the most important and highly valuable things we have on Earth, and they should be our main lifeline.

So your parents tell you what to do, and yes, it gets old and annoying real fast. But have you taken time to appreciate it? One of the things I have a very low tolerance for is people/children who disrespect their parents. It would be one thing if your parents physically/verbally abused you, but I have seen people whose parents were the most supportive, caring parents in the world and if they did the slightest thing "wrong," their own child would shoot a snotty remark and become upset with them. Let me just say this...HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER. God says so. That should be more than enough to make you think about your relationship with your parents. Do you honor them, or do you make them honor you? If you make them honor you, there's something wrong.

So your siblings are annoying pests who fight with you all the time. Well, I used to have a real problem fighting with both siblings . . . with Tina until she left for college (and then still some on occasion) and with Bradley until I left for college. Now I feel I get along quite well with both of them. If you're an older sibling, think about how you are treating your younger siblings. Your fights may just seem like silly quarrels later, but what you said to your younger brother/sister may have really hurt them. You are their role model, their hero, the person they look up to and hopefully strive to be like. If you hurt them enough they will turn their back on you, and to those it has happened to I've heard that when your sibling no longer looks up to you, that is painful. And younger siblings....don't be brats. I used to be a brat to my sister, and in turn, Bradley used to be a brat to me. Please, do not persist in being a pain . . . I know it seems like fun, but you may not realize how hard it is for your older sibling not to smack you (unless they do smack you). Just love each other . . . they are one of the strongest support systems you can have, and you do not want to fail them or let them down, just as it would be painful for them to let you down.

When I was reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, they wrote about how, in order to have a functional relationship or a healthy relationship, you need to start with healthy relationships in the family. The best way to find a real Christian is one who acts Christian even around their family - by far the most trying people in our lives. Let me reiterate: to have healthy relationships outside the family, you must START with healthy relationships INSIDE the family. Not only will they be your support when you are in a relationship, but if you can behave like a Christian to your own family, think how much easier it will be to be a Christian to a much less trying boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse.

Think about your family. What is your relationship like with them? Do you value them, or do you use and abuse them? From our parents down to our youngest siblings, our grandparents to our cousins, they play a very influential role in our lives. Have you let them in, or have you shut them out? Have you allowed them to love you, and have you offered love in return? Do you honor you parents? Do you honor your siblings? Can you be a Christian in your very own home? Sometimes these questions are difficult to answer because they reveal a side of us, an ugly side of us, which we do not like to face. But just as you have to look in the mirror to fix your hair, you have to look at your home life to fix your heart.




"This is my command: Love each other."
-John 15:17

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another about yourselves."
-Romans 12:9-10

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
-Romans 12:17-18

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
-Desmond Tutu

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
-Jane Howard

"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." -Paul Pearshall