Yeah, I Remember That

I have been thinking a lot about certain memories. Mostly I have thought about past conversations with people who have played significant roles in my life. One in particular has stuck with me, probably because it was so positive. It was a conversation I had had with my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) and we were talking about all the things we liked about each other. Of course they were long lists, but two of his really stuck with me. The first one is that he liked it when I called him handsome. The second one is that he loved the way I fit perfectly into his arms. Now that second one still makes me smile . . . it made my day when he told me that.

My point is about how memories tend to dominate our lives. My boyfriend's comments have altered how I talk to guys. Now, I more often call them handsome because supposedly they like that (and I'd like to clarify that I never called him or anyone anything else like hott or anything demeaning . . . handsome was it). His other comment has affected the way I think about potential boyfriends. I love hugs . . . giving and receiving. Now when I think about guys I wonder how good their hugs are. I wonder if I will fit perfectly into their arms . . . and if it will be just as wonderful to hug them. Thankfully this memory has affected me in a generally positive way, and I really do not have to worry about it. Unfortunately, there are many bad memories that affect us, and tend to do it in a more profound way.

As dramatic as it really is not, one bad memory that has really changed me negatively would be a picture one of my teacher's took and gave to me. I looked positively awful. The only good thing about the picture was my hair. And I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. Since then I have been extra camera shy and I always fear how my pictures will turn out or how I will look in the camera. That one picture is ingrained in my memory and has made me more self-conscious than anything else. Since then I have feverishly worked on my appearance to be where I'm at today . . . far from perfect but light years away from the girl in that photo. Another more deep memory has afflicted my current life. I was in 7th grade . . . I wasn't fond of Mr. McGuire, I HATED the class, and I wasn't motivated to do anything for it or him. Consequently, I received a C in that class . . . and my Mom was obviously not happy. Then my sister came home from college and she received all A's . . . and my Mom was ecstatic (as she should have been). Since then my goal for college has been to receive all A's. Yeah, I already got one B+ in Financial Accounting . . . leave me alone.

Why is it that the negative memories cut us so deeply and change us so drastically? Seriously . . . I should be so happy about my grades. I'm a very intelligent woman, and people know it . . . before they even know my GPA. I have learned to be happy about my grades and get over the disappointment. But at first it just nagged at me, and I was so upset with myself. What I really need to do is just my best, because I have to face the fact that that is all I can give.

Negative memories are one of the Devil's tools. They cause us to doubt ourselves, fear ourselves, and sometimes despise ourselves. We become so consumed with being better than whatever we were before . . . setting unrealistic goals, fantasizing, obsessing, driving ourselves insane. First of all, there is NO room for God in all that insanity. Second of all we forget that through Christ's death on the cross, we do not have to concentrate on the past. All that matters is who we are today and who He wants us to become. Not to say that we should not learn from our mistakes or try harder, but we cannot dwell on the negative or obsess over it. It's all God's plan, and He has something so much better in store. It is time to let go of all the conflict and pain. Stop beating yourself up. Forgive and forget. Let God take control.




"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."
Isaiah 43:18